Large Family Woes?? - 1

I had a humorous thing happen to me today and it gave me the idea for a little side-line blog.  I thought it might be fun to write about some of the things faced by large families.   Now, I am not complaining in anyway about my large family.  I am not looking for sympathy.  Most of what I will write I find funny and chalk it up as a "perk".  I fully understand how I got a large family (believe me people have asked).  I absolutely love my family and wouldn't trade it for the world even on our worst day. 

Here's what happened today:  I called a local dental office to set up cleanings for all five of my children.   I called the appointment line. I waited patiently on the phone as the operator told me that I was the fifth caller, then third, then finally first in line.  Even being first in line I still had a wait time.  After about seven minutes the receptionist gets on the phone and asks how she can help me.  I told her that I needed to make dental appointments for my five children.  She then asks me if I would call back after 2 pm because there were only two people answering phones and they were busy answering those phone calls. Here's my thought process:

Didn't I just call you?  Didn't I have to wait like everyone else?  Isn't answering the phones and making appointments your job?  Isn't my one phone call with five appointments equal to the next five phone calls with one appointment each?

I did tell her that I had waited my turn and I preferred not to have to call back. Thankfully, she did help me set up my appointments without making me call back.

THE Question

Do I trust God?  I'm talking about that down-deep, complete heart, second-by-second, with EVERYTHING trust. 

It all started with my son and football.  My son has wanted to play football FOR years.  My husband and I avoided the commitment FOR years...until this year.  This year, my son's freshman year, was going to be the year that we would let him experience what it would be like to play football with a local school.  My son spent the summer practicing, weightlifting, and building relationships with the team.  Things were going well, I was going to watch my boy play!  Then we missed a deadline on the paperwork and the possibility of him playing was called into question.  I was disappointed and frustrated, he felt the same.  I looked over at him and asked him, "If you can't play football this year, will you trust that this is God's plan for you, that He knows best?"  He met my gaze and said, "Yes".  We got in the needed paperwork.  He got his pads and jersey.  It looked like he was going to play after all.  Another issue revolving around school zoning arose.  There was no way around it.  He will not be playing football this year.  My son handled this disappointment with such grace and maturity. He is really, truly trusting God in this situation. 

The weeks following this football story, it was my turn to answer the same question I had asked my son. God was whispering in my heart, asking me if I would trust His plan for my life, not just in the big things but in the everyday things. His question came in different situations:

 Michelle, will you trust Me when your son is disappointed and there is nothing you can do to fix it?

Michelle, will you trust Me when your other son is hurt badly and an ER visit is necessary?  Will you trust me to protect what is so valuable to you?

Michelle, will you trust Me when you have an extra wait time that cuts in to your schedule?  Will you be joyful and at peace?

Michelle, will you trust Me when your day and plans are interrupted because one of your children has lice and your dryer breaks?

Michelle, will you trust Me when your equipment for your business is broken and customers are waiting?  Will you trust that I alone am able to supply all your needs?

Michelle, will you trust Me in EVERY situation?  The good, the bad, the ugly, easy or difficult?

     O Lord, You have searched me and known me. 2 You know my sitting down and my rising up; You understand my thought afar off. 3 You comprehend my path and my lying down, And are acquainted with all my ways. 4 For there is not a word on my tongue, But behold, O Lord, You know it altogether. 5 You have hedged me behind and before, And laid Your hand upon me. 6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; It is high, I cannot attain it. 7 Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? 8 If I ascend into heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there. 9 If I take the wings of the morning, And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, 10 Even there Your hand shall lead me, And Your right hand shall hold me. 11 If I say, "Surely the darkness shall fall on me," Even the night shall be light about me; 12 Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You, But the night shines as the day; The darkness and the light are both alike to You. 13 For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother's womb. 14 I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well. 15 My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. 16 Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, The days fashioned for me, When as yet there were none of them. 17 How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How great is the sum of them! 18 If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand; When I awake, I am still with You. 

~ Psalm 139: 1-18

God knows me!  There is nowhere that I could go or situation that I could encounter that God is not there.  He has created me.  He knows all my days - past, present and future! Will I trust Him? Yes! Is it always easy? No, but the more I trust the easier it gets. 

THE Perfect Gift

On Saturday I celebrated my 37th birthday surrounded by some of my precious family.  We ate food, took pictures, and played games. I received thoughtful and generous gifts.  On Saturday evening we received a phone call that Steve, a friend from church, died in a motorcycle accident.  It was sudden, it was unexpected, it hurts.  One moment we are laughing, celebrating the next moment we are stunned, grieving. 

Over the last couple of days I keep getting this picture in my head:

I see an army in marching order with a vacant spot.  The marching is slow, sad feeling. I keep thinking this army is my church, the local body of believers that I worship with, the vacant spot is Steve's spot.  We are hurting, wounded and one of our own is missing but we are still marching.  Life does not stop to allow us to grieve so we move forward.  We go to work, we cook dinner, we laugh, we make plans for the future but never far from our minds is the gap that Steve leaves or his precious family.  Prayers are constantly on our hearts for peace and comfort for his wife, his children, his parents, his siblings, his friends, ourselves.  Despite the pain,we find comfort and rejoice in the fact that although Steve is gone from this earth, from our midst, he is very much alive in our Father's house. 

Steve is not in heaven because of his kindness, his humor or his willingness to help others.  Those are things that we will miss. Steve is in heaven because he trusted Jesus' death on the cross as payment for his sins.  "For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life"  John 3:16.  The perfect gift that is offered to everyone. However, just like any gift, in order to possess it you must first receive it.

Death cannot be avoided on this earth but you can miss heaven, eternal life, by denying the gift that God is holding out to you.  Don't wait!

Human Sign Post

At the beginning of this month my pastor spoke about allegiance.  Actually, the title of his message was,  "I Pledge Allegiance".  In his message he asked the question, "To whom or to what do you really pledge your allegiance?"  He answered that question by saying that the goal of our allegiance should be our relationship with God. 

"When you make a vow to the Lord your God, you shall not delay to pay it; for the Lord your God will surely require it of you , and it would be a sin to you.  But if you abstain from vowing, it shall not be a sin to you.  That which has gone from your lips you shall keep and perform, for you voluntarily vowed to the Lord your God what you have promised with your mouth."  Deuteronomy 24:21-23

He shared that Godly allegiance includes proper priorities. Pastor went on to say that every area of your life will be affected by your relationship with Jesus. Then he said something that pierced my heart, he said the marriage relationship is a human sign post to our relationship with Christ.  How we treat our spouse is how we treat God. Wow, maybe that's not true in your life but unfortunately it was true that Sunday morning in my life. 

I'm so ashamed to admit I was slacking in pursuing my relationship with Christ, whom I have voluntarily verbally professed as my savior. I wasn't reading my Bible or praying except for the routine meal prayers.  And yes, I was slacking in pursuing my relationship with my husband, to whom I had voluntarily vowed, before God and many witnesses, to love, honor and respect.  I was just coasting through our relationship expecting him to love, honor and cherish me ignoring the promises I had made.

Wow, every time I read that paragraph above I just want to delete it and delete it again. It is so, so, so, so ugly!

Thankfully, the lesson doesn't end there.  God loves me and you so much that he wants to expose the ugly in our lives, not to embarrass and humiliate us but to cleanse us and heal us.  To make us better, more like Christ.  The Bible says in 1 John 1:9, "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."  I confessed, He forgave. 
Thankfully, my non-grudge holding husband was quick and willing to forgive me as well.  Oh, sweet forgiveness!

Wild flowers my hubby picked for me!

Why blog?? (Husband Redeemer)

I just re-read my last blog and realized I didn't paint my husband in the greatest light.  Matt has always been very supportive of me and my goals.  My desire to write was a goal that he didn't quite understand.  His questions to me were in an effort to understand my desire as well as challenge me not discourage me.  I was the one who couldn't/wouldn't see the wisdom in his questioning.  Oh, the things I will learn through this blog.  Lesson 1:  Learn to express my intention rather than leave it up to the reader to decide.  I love my husband!

Why a blog??

Several years ago, I first shared my desire to write a blog with my husband. He innocently asked me, "What do you have to say that is worth reading?"  I was crushed.  If he didn't think what I had to say was worth reading then who would?  So I did nothing with the dream that had been building inside of me.  A few weeks ago, on a whim, I decided to set up this blog.  I was going to write, finally! I was not going to tell my husband!  In my excitement I told my husband!  I waited anxiously for him to finish reading.  I was sure he was going to tell me it was great.  He sat back in his chair and said, "So, explain to me why a blog."  I wasn't expecting that response but in the next second I could see the wisdom in the question.  I started talking while he sat patiently listening as I worked out an answer to his question.  I want to write because writing helps me solidify the thoughts, feelings, ideas that float through my mind and heart.  So why not a journal?  I want a public platform not for public recognition but for accountability.  I like accountability.  If I write about something  that God is teaching me and I share it publicly then I feel a greater responsibility.  So why not just tell someone?  I know my children will experience trials and victories throughout their lives that I may or may not be around for.  I want them to know that they are not alone.

Lessons from my vehicle

A few days ago I posted my very first blog.  Since then I have flucuated between excitement and fear over writing another one.  I intend to write about my reasons for this blog but until then I thought I would share with you something I wrote about two years ago...

 We are in what I would call a difficult vehicle situation.  We just recently sold one of our vehicles because it was on the verge of leaving us stranded and costing lots of money in repairs but it had very cold air conditioning.  Our other family vehicle is an old van which I consider in rough shape cosmetically and slightly better shape internally.  It runs ok, when it decides it wants to start.  Actually, my husband fixed that problem today.  This rough vehicle does not have air conditioning and it is proving to be a very hot summer.  Let me just add this little bit of information to the mix. I have a head of curly hair.  For those who have curly hair you know what driving with an open window in 90 degree weather down the interstate will do to curly hair.  I’m talking way frizzy hair-do.

 In dealing with these vehicle problems I have learned several things….

I have learned that God is a God who cares about the small details in my life.  Many times I have prayed for the van to start and then it started.  I have not been stranded once.

I have learned that no matter how bad I think my situation is…it could always be worse.  I recently saw a mother and her children climb into a van that sounded much worse than mine and one of the windows was covered in plastic and tape so thick that I couldn’t see through it.

I have also learned how selfish I am.  I mean, come on, don’t I deserve a good running vehicle with all the extras?

I have also had to ask myself some hard questions...Can I or will I praise God when the van won’t start? Will I praise Him when I am so hot and cranky that I am ready to throw the keys from the vehicle and leave it for someone else to deal with? Will I praise Him when my five children are staring at me with sweaty faces? 

Let me say this in closing…I am convinced that God can provide me with a great running vehicle with so many extras that it would make my head spin.  I am also convinced that God is more interested in my character and attitude then with how my hair will look when I arrive at church.

Our vehicle situation has improved since this time.  Actually, we are car - less.  So how is that an improvement???  We are borrowing a vehicle from a very generous couple (you know who you are and we love you)  that has air-conditioning.  We have also received a gift towards another vehicle (Thank you).  God is spoiling us!

Getting Started is...painful!

Setting up this blog has been a painful process for two reasons:

1.  I'm afraid of failure..."why would anyone want to read what I have to say?"  I will admit that my thought process is often strange and can be quite random.

2.  Even though the videos said that setting up a blog would be easy, it has been quite difficult. 

Please hang in there with me as I try to move what is in my head and heart to this blog. :)